What not to wear....

My oldest daughter, Abigail, is not a morning person. Each and every morning is a struggle, from the time I try to wake her up, until the time I drop her off at her school. One of the most stressful parts of the morning is getting her dressed. I learned a long time ago to give her only two outfits to choose from. If not, it would take her hours to get dressed each day. My daughter at the young age of 7 has already become "obsessed" with looking perfect. I should have known this would become a problem from what I experienced with her when she was only two years old. At her young age, she would have a complete meltdown if the seams on her socks were not lined up perfectly across her little toes. If her underwear did not match her shirt, another meltdown would come upon me like a hurricane waiting to demolish everything in its path. I tried with everything I could to dissuade this from being an issue. Nothing worked. As she has grown, the issues with her attire have grown as well.

This morning, I was running late. I did not pick out two outfits to let her choose from. It is supposed to be "somewhat" warm today, so in my hastiness, I grabbed a perfectly cute outfit, ironed it and asked her to get dressed. Immediately, she looked at me in horror and exclaimed: "I will NOT be wearing THAT!" My response of course was to tell her she would be wearing "that" and it wasn't open for discussion. I did not have time for this. She did not deem the outfit "cute" enough. She proceeded to tell me: "mommy....did you not just watch "What Not To Wear" last night"? Really? I thought, where on earth does she get this from? I only had to think about it for a moment before realizing....me.

Every single morning for as long as I can remember, I go through countless outfits before I finally decide on one that looks "acceptable". My daughters have grown up with me choosing and discarding several outfits before making a decision. I have been known to have my entire wardrobe thrown on my bed before deciding on an outfit. One would think this should not be such a huge ordeal for me as most of my wardrobe consists of black and gray clothing. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people who can pick out an outfit the night before and have it ironed and ready to go. It may not look right on me the following morning. I'm not sure where I got this horrible habit from, but it is a part of my daily routine. I'm sure it has something to do with my lack of self esteem, and to think I have passed this on to my daughter makes me cringe inside.

A seven year old girl should not be worrying that an outfit is not "cute" enough. I want her to be able to close her eyes, yank out an outfit, and get dressed without giving it a second thought. I want her to have the confidence in herself to know that whatever she puts on, she will still look cute. She is beautiful. I tell her that constantly. When she was younger, I had several people ask me if I thought constantly telling her she's beautiful would make her grow up to be conceited. My reply? I would much rather have her know she is beautiful than be plagued with insecurities about herself. I do not want her growing up ever feeling like she is "less than". I do not want her to be like me in that regard. While I don't mean to, I find myself criticizing myself on a regular basis. I have never had self esteem, much less high self esteem. I want that for my two girls. I have been aware since they were infants that my words could and would affect them. While I may criticize myself in private, I have made a conscious effort to make sure my girls never hear me say "I look fat in this", or "Ugh....I feel so ugly today". What I didn't realize was that my unspoken words could do as much damage. My constant, daily routine of trying on a barrage of different outfits has apparently sent a message. I don't look "cute" enough. My girls should not be subjected to that. If there is one thing I vowed to do as a mother, it is to break this pattern that has run in my family for years....the lack of self esteem.

I think I may have accomplished that with my youngest daughter Kaelin. Either that, or she could just care less what she looks like. She never complains about her outfits, her hair, her shoes, or anything regarding her appearance. If she had her way, she would wear a bathing suit year round, or anything that has a frog printed on it. For now, she seems to have more confidence in her little finger than her older sister has in her whole body. I hope her confidence will rub off on Abigail.

As for me, I will now make an effort to pick out ONE outfit, iron it, and put it on. I will still probably never leave the house in sweat pants and no makeup, as that just isn't me, but I will make more of an effort to not "silently" show my daughters that I am not happy with myself.

One other thing....while I tell my daughters daily how beautiful they are, I also let them know how smart they are as well. I don't want them to only know how pretty they are, I want them to know they are also very intelligent little girls as well.

~Kerrie